Checkpoint mania.md

idvorkin · Apr 11, 2024 · 7505f65 · 7505f65
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-Here's a tale [a friend with bipolar](https://breckyunits.com/a-manic-startup.html): What pains me most is I see how crystal clear my illness was in the beginning and how I was surrounded by so much love—so, so many family and friends were desperately trying to intervene—and I spurned them and then reacted despicably. I am so, so sorry. I failed as a husband, a father, son, brother, friend, as a kind human being. It is a hard pill to swallow that I was the Evil one, after all. Why did I fail? Me. My brain. My manic self. I wanted more than anything to prove them wrong. That I could do this. But I couldn't. You can learn a lot, but you can't unlearn bipolar disorder. I desperately wanted to believe that bipolar disorder wasn't real and that I could stop living in fear of it. That all the doubters were wrong.
+Here are words from a [a friend](https://breckyunits.com/a-manic-startup.html) I hope I never have to repeat myself: What pains me most is I see how crystal clear my illness was in the beginning and how I was surrounded by so much love—so, so many family and friends were desperately trying to intervene—and I spurned them and then reacted despicably. I am so, so sorry. I failed as a husband, a father, son, brother, friend, as a kind human being. It is a hard pill to swallow that I was the Evil one, after all. Why did I fail? Me. My brain. My manic self. I wanted more than anything to prove them wrong. That I could do this. But I couldn't. You can learn a lot, but you can't unlearn bipolar disorder. I desperately wanted to believe that bipolar disorder wasn't real and that I could stop living in fear of it. That all the doubters were wrong.
 
 I've never taken cocaine, but I did go hypo-manic in 2012, and it was glorious. Infinite energy, sharp as a whip, maximum creativity. Well, that's my subjective reality, but external observers said I was talking fast, jittery, etc. And of course, such high energy can go out of control, and it must be paid back with some future depression.